Too soon, too far away

Reflections on my final days as an elementary school parent. Also: skincare!

This week marks an important milestone for me. It’s the tenth anniversary of finally knowing my son’s kindergarten schedule by heart—just in time for the school year to end.

If I remember correctly, it went something like this:

• Monday
  9:25am dropoff, go home, pee **or** sneeze (not enough time for both), 12pm pickup

• Tuesday through Thursday
  8:25am dropoff, bring daughter to preschool, race home, try (and fail) to catch up on emails/phone calls/interviews/deadlines for 2.5 hours, 12:30pm pickup

• Friday
  8:25pm dropoff, run errands with my toddler in tow, maybe hit the park for a quick swing sesh, 12pm pickup

None of the other parents appeared to struggle with the insanity of a schedule that changed not once, but TWICE over the course of each week. Meanwhile, I was constantly too late or too early. And why wouldn’t I be? What on earth would possess a school to punish the parents of kindergarteners with such an arbitrary schedule as that? Once, after I showed up late (again) to take my little one home, I remember yearning for a time when carrying the load of two other humans’ development wouldn’t eclipse my own so much—a time when my kids would have regular schedules, longer hours, and could get themselves to and from school without me. A time when I wouldn’t forever be failing.

But on that last week of kindergarten, ten years ago, as I walked to the pickup area to retrieve my baby boy on the last day, so pleased with myself for finally mastering the schedule after approximately 179 attempts, and concurrently terrified at the prospect of an empty summer yawning out ahead of me, a sight on the school’s soccer field brought my feet to an abrupt halt.

Congratulations, Bobcats

There on the grass, an army of parents arranged folding chairs facing a portable stage decorated with crepe paper streamers in school colors. Balloons arched across the back, and a sign read “Congratulations, Bobcats!” in bubble letters.

Yes, it was my kindergartener’s last day of the year. But for some kids and their parents, it was the last day of 6th grade. They looked happy enough, these moms and dads buzzing around, working to make this day of transition and big feelings a memorable one. I wondered if, just a few years ago, they had stood where I’d stood, looking through the chain link fence at a soccer field lined with brown metal chairs, all of which had already been through decades of last-days-of-sixth-grade.

Without warning, right there on the sidewalk, the concept of time telescoped to make the eventuality of the end of elementary school for me and my own children nauseatingly, grief-inducingly real. Watching the balloon arch quiver in the breeze, the horizon of my toddler’s and kindergartner’s self-sufficiency suddenly felt very close. Tears sprang to my eyes and poured over my cheeks. It was all too soon, and yet also maddeningly far away.

Where are they now?

Today, it occurs to me that those 6th-grade Bobcats getting set to be celebrated on the grass that day are now in their mid-20s. A couple of them became our regular babysitters for a time (hi Makena I and Makena II!) and we miss their sweet presence in our home, but they’re in college now, miles away. Another of those 6th graders used to drive me crazy by riding her bike to school on the sidewalk, and would practically roll up my back to get past me in her hurry to beat the bell. Today, she is a senior at my alma mater, Vassar College, studying pre-med.

In the meantime, this week, time is telescoping again: I am one of the scurrying moms I saw ten years ago, as it’s my youngest child’s last days in elementary school. I’m helping to decorate the gym for her school dance tomorrow and you can bet I’ll be unfolding chairs for the promotional ceremony, too. I predicted a more emotional experience but thus far, all I feel is pride in how far my kids have come. My daughter is ready for junior high (like, READY), and has grown strong, wise, and resilient in elementary school, even in the midst of the obstacles posed by phones (i.e. she doesn’t have one but most of her friends do), changing schools, and a multi-year pandemic.

Dreams really do come true

Dare I say it? I’m proud of how far I’ve come, too. Both kids get themselves to and from school each day, and have full, rich interior and exterior lives. They are independent, resourceful, thoughtful, and funny to an extreme that makes me want to keep them up long past their bedtime on the regular, just to hear what they’ll say.

Trust me when I confess we have all the normal family/kid problems too. In fact, it’s actually easier for me to take responsibility for the kids’ worst moments than it is to take credit for their best ones. The truth is I’m not responsible for either, but if I can feel rotten for paving the way to their trials (like showing up late every day at kindergarten pickup), I sure as hell can take credit for paving the way to their triumphs, too. Especially when I didn’t feel like it. Especially when giving up would have been easier. Especially when I waged my own internal battles.

So yes, my daughter is ready for junior high and I am, too, even though my own memories of 7th grade threaten to incapacitate me as I seek to shepherd her. (Makeup! Boys! Drama! Loneliness!) We will make it. We can do this.

My amazing humans

And now those folding chairs are waiting for me. This week, I’ll sit in one of them having earned a little more trust that each season gives way to exactly what it needs to become. Time telescopes, yes, but it also softens and strengthens.

In other words, I still don’t really know when to show up for anything, but everything is going to be okay. Really.

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The softest, glowing-est skin I’ve ever had

My poor skin. It’s been through a lot: acne, then Accutane, repeat sunburns, acne again, bad makeup, and Noxzema.

I don’t claim to have taken very good care of it in the past, but lately I feel like I’ve hit upon a couple things that make my skin the best it’s ever been:

• Dr. Dennis Gross Daily Peel Pads

  My hair stylist Lauren had the most hydrated, beautiful skin the other day and I asked how it got that way. This was her answer: little peely wipes that make your skin so, so soft. I’ve been using them for about a week and I love the results.

  

• Tan-Luxe “The Face” Drops

  Lauren also recommended these golden drops, which act as a facial self-tanner mixed right into your moisturizer. I use three drops a day and have a nice, subtle sun-kissed glow.

  

• GlowScreen SPF 40

  I’ve used this daily sunscreen for years. It’s pricey, but I love the way it gives a hint of sheen while protecting me from UV rays. (After having the first precancerous spot zapped off my face a couple years ago, I vowed to wear sunscreen forever and ever, amen.) Besides, a little goes a long way.

  

In any case, you’ll be needing that sunscreen if you live in California and have a 6th-grader promoting up anytime soon. (We love our outdoor ceremonies here in the Golden State!) Enjoy the rays, the passage of time, and the fruits of your labor. You’ve earned it.

Your friend,